So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
