Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
