Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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