Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The air was thick with penises
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
