This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
