yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
