These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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