just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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