found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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