So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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