I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
