I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sobbing to NWA
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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