did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize