Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
