You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize