This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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