someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
