theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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