I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize