Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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