Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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