I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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