I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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