don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
