dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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