I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
