and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
