I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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