whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
