Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
