Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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