I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
