Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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