This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize