I wish I only lived at night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
