our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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