just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
bring money and cleavage
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
