I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
