Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
