I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
