I will die if light touches me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's get the cat blown out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
