if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
