How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
