from now on my penis is your penis
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
