The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
