please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
