Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
