Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
