Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
