So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
