Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
