what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my poor anus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
