Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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