I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
