Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize