so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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