on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
