I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
