dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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