Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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