So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
