He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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