So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
