I wanna bring you to show and tell
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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