The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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